Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in MR. CHRISTOPHER's LiveJournal:

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Monday, February 2nd, 2009
9:58 am	Royce Gracie Comments On the Death Of His Father Helio "Today my father, Helio, at the age of 95 passed on. I am honored to be the son of such a great man! He was an inspiration to me throughout my life. As a Grandmaster of Jiu-Jitsu and the father of "Vale Tudo" he brought Gracie Jiu-Jitsu to the forefront of martial arts. He was a man of small stature but his heart was that of a giant. He proved with Gracie Jiu-Jitsu that even a small man could overcome a bigger stronger opponent by using leverage and technique. He was truly an innovator. Just look around and you can see how his success gave birth to the sport of mixed martial arts that we all enjoy today. "Many of you may think that the greatest thing my father ever gave me was Gracie Jiu-Jitsu. But I want all of you to know that I will remember him most for what he taught me off the matt. He taught me how to be a man, a husband and a father. He showed me how to be honorable, respectful and diligent. He taught me how to be a whole person. "I ask that together we celebrate the remarkable life of my father, Helio Gracie. The greatest tribute you can to pay to my father is to continue to train and share Gracie Jiu-Jitsu, remembering to never lose sight of the fact that what you do off the matt counts more than what you do on the matt. Face life's challenges with confidence, dare to pursue your dreams and live to the fullest just as my father did. God bless us all! Royce" (Comment on this)
Friday, January 30th, 2009
9:39 am	A message from the Gracie Institute As a student of Serra Jiu-Jitsu, which is part of the Gracie legacy as Matt & Nick received their Black belts from Renzo Gracie himself, I am deeply saddened by the news of the Grand Master's death. I received the following e-mail today from the Gracie Insider: On Tuesday morning Grand Master Helio Gracie was tanning at his ranch in Brazil, and on Thursday morning at 9:15 he passed on due to natural causes. His legacy will survive forever in all members of the Gracie Family, jiu-jitsu practitioners around the world, and all those who have benefited from the revolution he began. In his final years, the creator of Gracie Jiu-Jitsu often spoke of his satisfaction with his life’s work. He openly stated that he had accomplished everything he had set out to do, displaying his preparedness for the transition into the afterlife. The Grand Master believed that such a transition should be seen as a positive step in one's spiritual evolution. In a recent interview he declared: “I’ve already told my sons that when I die I want there to be a party. No drinking, no debauchery.” To honor his request and his legacy, the Gracie Academy will host a celebratory gathering/slideshow presentation on Saturday, February 7, 2009. In anticipation of a large turnout of friends and family, we intend to have three showings starting at 4:00pm, 5:00pm and 6:00pm. If you can’t make it to the party, but would like to express how the Grand Master has affected your life, please send your story to heliogracie@gracieacademy.com so we can post it on the Gracie Academy website. In one of his final magazine interviews the Grand Master expresses his concern for the future of Jiu-Jitsu: "O Jiu-Jitsu que criei foi para dar chance aos mais fracos enfrentarem os mais pesados e fortes. E fez tanto sucesso, que resolveram fazer um Jiu-Jitsu de competição. Gostaria de deixar claro que sou a favor da prática esportiva e da preparação técnica de qualquer atleta, seja qual for sua especialidade. Além de boa alimentação, controle sexual e da abstenção de hábitos prejudiciais à saude. O problema consiste na criação de um Jiu-Jitsu competitivo com regras, tempo inadequado e que privilegia os mais treinados, fortes e pesados. O objetivo do Jiu-Jitsu é, principalmente, benificiar os mais fracos, que não tendo dotes físicos são inferiorizados. O meu Jiu-Jitsu é uma arte de autodefesa que não aceita certos regulamentos e tempo determinado. Essas são as razões pelas quais não posso, com minha presença, apoiar espetáculos, cujo efeito retrata um anti Jiu-Jitsu." “The Jiu-Jitsu that I created was designed to give the weak ones a chance to face the heavy and strong. It was so successful that they decided to create a sportive version of it. I would like to make it clear that of course I am in favor of the sportive practice and technical refinement of all athletes, whatever their specialty may be, as well as good nutrition, sexual control, avoidance of addictions and unhealthy habits. The problem lies in the creation of a sport-oriented Jiu-Jitsu, based on rules and time limits, which benefits the heavier, stronger, and more athletic individuals. The primary objective of Jiu-Jitsu is to empower the weak who, for not having the physical attributes, are often intimidated. My Jiu-Jitsu is an art of self-defense in which rules and time limits are unacceptable. These are the reasons for which I can’t support events that reflect an anti Jiu-Jitsu.” -Grand Master Helio Gracie (October 1, 1913 – January 29, 2009) (Comment on this)
Thursday, January 29th, 2009
12:49 pm	Rest In Peace, Helio Gracie 1913-2009 Helio Gracie, the father of Gracie jiu-jitsu, is dead at the age of 95. Gracie passed in his sleep early Thursday in Itaipaiva, Rio de Janeiro, after he had been admitted to a local hospital a few days prior for stomach problems. “He passed the way he always wanted to –- quick and fast,” said an immediate relative, who asked not to be identified. The relative said Gracie’s body would be buried on Thursday. The youngest of Cesalina and Gastao Gracie’s eight children, he learned traditional jiu-jitsu by watching his brother, Carlos, teach it, but his small frame made it difficult for him to execute the moves. As a result, he adapted techniques to fit his limited physical ability and gave rise to modern-day Brazilian jiu-jitsu. Gracie was involved in two legendary fights. He lost to Masahiko Kimura -- a man who outweighed him by some 80 pounds -- in 1951 when Carlos threw in the towel after Kimura broke Gracie’s arm with the shoulder lock that now bears his name. Four years later, Gracie fought former student Valdemar Santana for nearly four hours and won by technical knockout after Santana succumbed to exhaustion. His impact on the sport of mixed martial arts was profound. His son, Rorion, was credited with developing the concept that became the Ultimate Fighting Championship, and another of his sons, Royce, won the first two UFC tournaments in 1993 and 1994. Two other sons, Rickson and Royler, also competed in MMA. Gracie is survived by his wife Vera; his sons Rickson, Royler, Rolker, Royce, Relson, Robin and Rorion; his daughters Rerika and Ricci, as well as numerous siblings, nieces, nephews, and grandchildren. TJ DeSantis contributed to this report. credit: http://sherdog.com/news/news/helio-gracie-dead-15977 (Comment on this)
10:06 am	25 Random Things About Me 1. Before my wedding I called BS on the fact that women are allowed to have a Matron of Honor and a Maid of Honor and men are only allowed to have one Best Man. So I had two Best Men, my brother Frank and my long time partner in crime Chris Gavagan. 2. My guitar is a purple Paul Reed Smith, his name his Gunther and he was my High School graduation present from my parents. 3. I fenced competitively for 6 years and went to the Junior Olympics in 1994 & 1995 competing in the Men’s Under 20 Saber event. 4. I have now dislocated my right shoulder six times. The first time effectively ended my fencing career. 5. I have thirteen tattoos, and no, I am not “finished.” 6. I got to sing live on cable television in front of a large studio audience. The shitty part is that I had to sing the Nickleback song, “How You Remind Me” and no, I did not get to pick the song. 7. My dream jobs growing up: Saturday Night Live Cast Member, musician, actor, writer, Guest Host of the Muppet Show, member of the GI Joe team, Jedi Knight. 8. I train in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu at Serra Jiu-Jitsu in East Meadow. My instructors and teammates are some of the most knowledgeable, friendly, and helpful people you will ever meet. 9. Depeche Mode is my most favorite band of all time. I own every album and tons of singles. I owe my fandom to my brother Frank, I am thankful every day that he shared his music with me growing up. 10. I own over a thousand CDs and tons more tracks on my iTunes. 11. I do not understand people who only own “a few” CDs and are not into music. 12. I own 318 wrestling DVDs, I can e-mail you the 7 page list if you doubt me. Yes, I am aware that pro wrestling is “fake.” Please don’t ask me why I like or tell me why you don’t. You don’t really care why I like it and I don’t really care why you don’t, let’s just let it go. 13. Magnolia is my most favorite movie of all time and Freaks & Geeks is my most favorite show, if you haven’t seen them, please do so. 14. My wedding reception was the most fun I have ever had at a party in my entire life. Erin and I only left the dance floor to eat, listen to speeches, and cut the cake. 15. Marrying Erin was the smartest thing I ever did in my entire life. 16. My daughter Lyric saved my life, believe it. 17. I often refer to Erin and Lyric as “My Girls.” 18. From the time I was about 10 or 11 years old (Earl can vouch for me) I always, always wanted a Siberian Husky, I’ve now had one for 9 months and it was well worth the wait, Leia is awesome. 19. It took us a long time to get there, but I can honestly say that my brother Frank is one of my closest friends. 20. I love stand-up comedy and I wish there was a channel that just showed stand-up. Comedy Central has too many damn shows now and not enough stand-up! 21. I honestly have no clue how Erin puts up with my shit. 22. I have been friends with Earl since I moved to Bellerose in August of 1987, that clocks in at almost 22 years now. He’s still one of my closest friends and we can not see each other for months and then pick up like it was yesterday. We first bonded over THE METAL. He’s the fucking man. And if you like metal, check out Resolution 15. Like now. 23. The first thing Chris Brady and I ever bonded over was Bobby Collins, on the inside. Oh and fucking Airborne rules. “La ola es mio, the wave is mine.” 24. Chris Gavagan and I once had an awesome Kids In the Hall experience in what used to be Genovesse by house. “I love you now, you’re my best friend.” 25. In case you haven’t figured it out, I’m kind of a dork. Some things that let me know that I’m a dork are the following: I own 318 wrestling DVDs, I love talking about obscure cartoons from the 80s like Silverhawks and MASK, I am ridiculously excited about the Watchmen movie, I love talking about how many GI Joes I used to have and how badass it was that I owned the Cobra Terrordrome, I have the theme song from the Last Dragon on my iPod, I worship at the alter of Jim Henson, I stayed up until 3 AM correcting the roster names on Fire Pro Wrestling Returns, my dogs are named Luke & Leia and no it is not a coincidence. Ask my wife, she will confirm said dorkiness and laugh with you about it endlessly. Current Mood: cheerful (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, January 20th, 2009
11:24 am	Happy Birthday Dad, I love and miss you, Rest In Peace Today would have been my Father's 71st Birthday. I cannot help but think, what would I be doing today were he still here? How would the days leading up to today have been different? He was notoriously hard to shop for, in that, he really wanted for nothing as far as physical posessions were concerned. I think he would have wanted a nice dinner with the family. One tonight and probably one this past weekend or this coming weekend so that the whole family could come. January was always a big month for our family, Erin and I's Anniversary on the 13th, my neice Lisa's Birthday on the 14th, Dad's Birthday on the 20th, and Frank's Birthday on the 28th. We would always get together for the January Birthdays. Mom would make whatever Dad requested and I would search in vain to find my father a lemon pie, not lemon marangue, just plain lemon. This is a hard pie to find in the winter moths, let me tell you. Sunday after I dropped off Lyric at her Mom's house I had to stop at the food store for some last minute things before the week began. You know; yogurt for breakfast, cold cuts for lunch, that sort of thing. The bakery is right next to the deli in Stop N' Shop and I took a quick look, they had lemon crunch pie. Not exactly it, but close enough. I actually bought one for him the last time I saw one and he enjoyed it. I picked it up and held it in my hands, I'm not really a huger fan of lemon pie, peach is my favorite, I was going to buy it though and have a slice for Dad, but I thought the sight of it might be too much for Mom. She wanted to get him a big flat screen tv this year. So that he could really enjoy watching Giants games and DVDs. That was her big goal for his present this year. I was supposed to help her pick one out and set it up. But it just wasn't meant to be. I'm just glad he got to see the Giants' Super Bowl run last year and that I can say that he watched his last Super Bowl with me at my house, and that we saw Big Blue win the whole damn thing. And that I got to celebrate that with my Dad one last time. I am happy to say that I watched all three of their Super Bowl victories at his side. I'm probably rambling here but I honestly don't give a fuck. Chances are if you're reading this you're used to this by now. He would be excited about President Obama's inauguration today. He loved history and I know he would have appreciated the huge historical significance that this carries. He had asked me around this time last year who I wanted the next president to be and I told him I was looking towards Senator Obama to lead us into the future. He had asked me if I thought the country was ready for that and I told them that I sure as hell hoped they were. What am I doing tonight? I'm going to Jiu-Jitsu class like I do every Tuesday night. Is this the right thing to do, is this what I should be doing? I don't know, I just know that when I started training I said that I was doing this as a tribute to him. To take all my pain, anger, and depression and focus it into something positive, something that would make me a better person. Call it bullshit if you want, but I know what I know. And I know that as I am stretching before every class I squeeze the tattoo I got in his honor on my left calf and then squeeze my right wrist where I had tattooed "What are you waiting for?" in my Mother's handwriting. So maybe you cannot understand why I'm going to class tonight but I know he can. And that is all I need to know. Happy Birthday Dad, I love and miss you with all my heart, may you rest in peace. Current Mood: depressed (Comment on this)
Tuesday, December 30th, 2008
11:46 am	Christmas 2008 Christmas morning, Lyric ran into our bedroom "Santa Came, Santa came." I asked her to go downstairs and get my Mom and ask her to come up. Erin went downstairs with her and to let Leia out. I laid there in bed for another few minutes and just had a little moment of silence, remembering past X-mas mornings with my Dad and reflecting on the fact that I will never, ever have another one. I just kept picturing him sitting in my parent's finished basement, on the old couch, coffee cup in hand. And how when someone would open a particularly cool gift he would exclaim "Oh wow!" with that fantastic smile of his. Or when I would get him a DVD of a movie that he really loved, that big smile, that exclamation of "this is really great, I mean this is fantastic!" I remember the Christmas before Erin and I moved in together how excited he was when I got him the Godfather DVD set and how he kept telling me it was too much and I shouldn't have. And I told him I wanted to do it. I loved being able to get him to pop for that cool gift. Anything to get that smile of his, that arm around my shoulder. And believe me, he was not one to shy away from affection. All the love and affection his father never gave to him he heaped upon my siblings and I. He always had a hug or an "I love you" for us. I was so lucky to grow up with a Dad who was so affectionate and so strong and yet not afraid at all to express his feelings. I never, ever once felt like he didn't love me. Even when he was so angry at me he was shaking, I knew he loved me. And as the tears burn my eyes as I write this, I know the he knew, I loved him too. You're the best Dad, always and forever. I don't want everyone to think that all was sorrow at the Freda household this Christmas, there were many moments of joy as well. For years Erin and I have been trying to get that big reaction out of Lyric, that big WOW from her. Don't get me wrong she has always been grateful, excited and happy when opening her presents. However we had not seen that HUGE reaction out of her. Like when my brother got his first Casio keyboard or I opened up the Cobra Terrordrome. Well, we got it this year, courtesy of the Nintendo Wii and Ed Hardy sneakers. My Mom also provided her with a wow moment when she opened her first pair of Uggz. Lyric must have said "Best Christmas Ever" about three times. It made me so happy to see her so happy and excited. Christmas Eve was spent at my house with Frank and Nancy coming over to celebrate with Mom, Erin, Lyric, and I. Erin did a fantastic job of making Christmas Eve dinner as there was Clam dip, baked clams, clam puffs, mozzarella sticks (I have a 9 year old,) 3 types of linguini, and Eggplant parmagiana. Erin also made her fabulous cheese tarts and my Mom made stuffed sole and the infamous pound cake of DOOM. I had to drop Lyric off at her Mom's place after opening her presents on Christmas morning and then Mom, Erin, and I headed over to my niece Jill and her husband Adam's house that afternoon. It was wonderfull seeing Jill & Adam's beautiful children Jake and Bella open presents! And my sister Nadine quickly commandeered the cornbread that I made for her! I also made a few batches of my Nana's peanut butter cookies, which according to Jill, Adam was a big fan of! Nadine's husband Rich was there too as well as my niece Lisa, sister Kim and her son Jarrett, and Jarrett's dad Jimmy. And yes, Santa was very good to all the Freda's this year, we must have been very good! As usual Erin and I overdid it on all counts but at the end of the day, I feel it was worth it to see the smiles on each other's and everyone else's faces. Especially our little Lyric who with her Ed Hardy sneakers and Uggz is growing up way too fast! I hope everyone out there had a happy, healthy, and safe holiday! And please, please be careful on New Year's Eve! Current Mood: contemplative (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, October 19th, 2008
10:27 am	My poor car! So, yesterday morning I get up and ge dressed, wake up Lyric and tell her to get dressed as I have to take her to religion classes. I come into the spare room and I'm sitting here on the computer, checking my mail, facebook, etc. and I look up at the clock and think, we should leave in about 10 or 15 minutes. Just then I hear a loud crash, I flip up the blinds and see that my car has been smashed into and there is a huge lincoln town car sitting on my curb strip!I run out of the room and begin running down the stairs calling out to Erin, someone hit our car! She joins me outside and we see that the back end of our car is wrecked. Trunk is destroyed, bumper is destroyed, huge gash in the passenger side door. And our curbstrip is totaly torn up and muddy. We see that there is another car in the middle of the street with its front end all smashed to hell. A woman climbs out of the back of the lincoln which I now see is a car service car bleeding from her face. Then a woman get's out of the driver's side, she is in pajammas and barefoot! She is begging for a phone to call her husband. At this point the driver of the other car gets out, a young med student, and proceeds to tell me what happened. He was going down 82 Avenue heading towards the Cross Island when the lincoln blew the stop sign on the corner of 250th and 82nd going at least 50 as he slammed into it, it proceeded forward and slammed into my curbstrip and car. The trunk of the lincoln had flown open and all the contents flew out. I could see that it was the tire iron that flew out and smashed my door. The spare tire flew out and destroyed the railrooad ties that are around my house and leaned against my brickwork. An ambulance arrives and takes care of the bleeding woman. The barefoot pajamma wearer begs Erin "please beg your husband not to go through insurance, please" and Erin just walks away from her. The med student's brother arrives, he's an off duty cop and he and I speak about what happened. The med student's mother was also in the car and she is having chest and neck pain. Med student thinks he fractured his hand. The people that I assume own the lincoln arrive, there are three of them, they do not address me, they just mill around my lawn. They don't even bother to pick up all the credit card receipts that are blowing all over the place. A friend of theirs is standing on my front lawn and spits the hugest goober I have ever seen on my lawn! I have been RELATIVELY calm up until this point. I got right in his face at this moment. Did you just spit on my law? Oh, this is your house? Yes, and you just spit on my lawn! Get the FUCK off my lawn! Isn't it enough that you smashed my car, ruined my curb strip, now you spit on my lawn! No respect, get the fuck off my damn lawn! He then scurries off my lawn as do his posse. The cops take my registration and insurance info and assure me that these people will have to pay for everything. They also tell me the driver of the lincoln only had a learner's permit! And she was driving a livery car! Eventually between EMS and tow trucks all the people and vehicles were carted off. The guy from the auto body shop tells me not to worry, my car isn't totaled, everything can be replaced. But I will be without it for about a week. On Monday Erin and I will go to Enterprise to get the rental that my insurance will pay for. In the end I'm just glad that it happened when it did. Ten or fifteen minutes later and Lyric and I would have been getting into that car. And I don't even want to think about what would have been had that happened. My little girl and I are OK and that is all that matters. I'll be posting some photos on facebook and my space for everyone to see. Current Mood: aggravated (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, September 17th, 2008
12:47 pm	Funeral Information for My Father Rest In Peace Frank C. Freda 1/20/1938 ~ 9/16/2008 Viewing Will Be at Thomas F. Dalton Funeral Home 125 Hillside Avenue New Hyde Park, NY 11040 (516) 354-0634 Today, Wednesday, September 17 7 ~ 9:30 PM Tomorrow, Thursday, September 18 2 ~ 5 PM & 7 ~ 9:30 PM Funeral Friday, September 19 Final Viewing 8:45 AM at Thomas F. Dalton Funeral Home Mass 9:45 AM at Our Lady of Snows Church 285-15 80th Avenue Floral Park, NY 11004 718-347-6070 Internment immediately following at St. Charles Cemetery Please pass this information along to anyone I may have unintentionally missed. Thank You All, Love, The Freda, Kalmaer, Wieber, Spara, and Mislin Families (1 Comment |Comment on this)
2:44 am	Rest In Peace Dad ~ Frank C. Freda ~ 1/20/38 - 9/16/08 My father passed away at 9:30 PM tonight. I just wanted to thank everyone who has been calling, texting, e-mailing, and leaving blog comments for me. Your support has meant more to me than you can possibly imagine. Once the funeral arrangements are settled I will be posting them on my blog for all those who want to pay their respects to the greatest man there ever was. Love, Christopher Current Mood: devastated (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, September 14th, 2008
1:48 am	HOSPICE My Dad is now in Hospice care. It has just gotten to the point where he needs more care than we can give him here at home. He no longer has the strength to stand and walk. He fades in and out of consciousness and is sleeping often. Hardly drinking and rarely ever eating. And when he does eat, it is usually just a lemon italian ice...that's all he seems to want. They are going to make him as comfortable as possible and try to ensure that he is not in any pain. It's a private room with a TV, microwave, and a refrigerator. Also, my Mom can stay there with him and she is. And she can just be his wife, and let them worry about all the medical things. It won't be long now, maybe as little time as a week. I had a nice one on one chat with him Tuesday. I told him that he was the best father anyone could ever ask for, that he taught me everything I ever needed to know about being a man and being a dad. And how much I loved him. He told me how proud he was of me and that I was a man and a good one at that. I promised to take care of my Mom, to protect her, and to not let anyone take advantage of her. And he told me that he believed that I would. Friday night Erin, my Mom, and I sat Lyric down and told her what was happening. That her Pa was dying, that we didn't know when, just that it would be soon. But that he wasn't in any pain. She cried, she told me that she didn't want him to go and didn't understand why he had to go. I told her that he had lived a long life and that it had been a good one. He married the best lady there is, had 4 children, 5 grandchildren, and 2 great grandchildren. He was loved by many and had touched many lives. And that, it was just his time, we're put here to do certain things and that her Pa had done everything he had been sent her to do. And now it was his time to move on and get his reward. She cried and cried. My Mom told me that I did a good job. I did my best, I guess that will have to be good enough. I am going to miss him so much. He's the best, and that's no line of bullshit. He really is. I will head back to the hospice place again tomorrow and I will go every day until he moves on. I don't want him to go but I don't want him to hurt anymore. I love you Dad, forever and ever until the end of time. You'll always be the man. Your dingo cowboy boots are way too big for one man to fill, so everyone is just going to have to chip in. I promise to keep trying to make you proud, to make your faith in me justified. I will never stop trying to live up to the man you see in me, but I'll never be enough to be the man I see in you. But just having had the honor of being your son is enough for me. I love you and I'll always be your pal. Current Mood: LOST (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, September 5th, 2008
2:13 pm	Yesterday was a bad day. I walked in the door at 6:30 PM and my Mother greeted me frantically telling me about the pain he was in and how she thought she should call an ambulance. I calmed her down as best as I could and got her to tell me what was going on. She told me that for the past 15 minutes he had been in a tremendous amount of pain and that there was a bulging in his chest. I put my bag down and went into their bedroom to see him. He told me he was in pain and I felt the bulging just below his rib cage, it was his aortic aneurism. I asked if he had taken any Percocet and my Mother said no. I told her to give him the Percocet and then waited for her in the kitchen. When she came into the kitchen I told her not to call 911 that if anything she should call his doctor. He then called out from their bedroom and said that we shouldn't call anyone. I told her that we should just wait and see if the Percocet works and then reassess the situation. I told her how worried I was about her, how she was running herself into the ground and that she needed someone to help. She told me that she knew and that's why the hospice people would be coming to evaluate the situation. I then went upstairs, changed, fed & walked Luke. Soon after that Erin returned home from work. We sat and talked with Mom who is extremely anguished and wondering if it will be days, weeks, months. We explained how we wished that he would get better but knew that he would not. We also told her that if she had an ambulance come they would take him to the hospital and he would be admitted again and most likely never come home. I held her in my arms as she cried softly and then told me how she hoped I knew how much joy I had brought to his life. I told her that I did and that I hoped that she knew how much he loved her. It took every ounce of strength of will that I had not to completely breakdown in tears. She got up to go and check on him again and I walked to the front of the living room and stared out the bay window. Erin walked up behind me and placed a hand on my shoulder as I stood there, hands on my hips, and completely dissolved into a shaking mess of tears and sobs. We were able to get Mom to eat dinner with us and sat and talked about different things. After dinner we had some fruit from the impossibly huge basket Dad's co-workers had sent over. I then took out all the garbage and the recyclables and Erin and I straightened up the kitchen. We said goodnight to Mom and after I walked Luke again I headed upstairs to bed. I know that there are going to be good days and bad days. I know that this is going to be extremely hard on everyone, especially my Mom. I am doing my best to hold it together in front of her, to be the strong one for her. Every night there are moments when I just hug her tightly while she cries and I wish that I could make her pain go away. I am so completely and totally on edge, so angry all the time, so completely consumed. I am doing my best. Current Mood: depressed (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, September 1st, 2008
11:11 am	Dad is coming home! Hey Everyone, My Dad is going to be coming home tomorrow and you can bet we're all pretty anxious about that. He is still having some low grade fevers and not eating much but they say that he can come home despite this. He will probably continue to have the fevers as they are tumor fevers and not the result of an infection. We hope that eventually he may get his appetite back but we aren't really holding our breath. A nurse will have to come three times a week to drain fluid from his lungs and he will need to have physical therapy as well. Frank and I took off from work tomorrow so that we can help out with transporting our Dad home and anything else our parents may need. Once again I want to thank everyone for all the love and support I have received all this time. I love all of you so much! Take Care, Christopher Current Mood: tired (Comment on this)
Monday, August 25th, 2008
10:22 pm	My Dad: The latest News So, my Mom, Frank, Erin, and I arrived at the hospital early this morning and met up with my sisters and my brother-in-law. Soon after arriving we were told by my father's pulmonologist that the situation with his heart was not as serious as was oncer perceived. We were told that the amount of fluid around the heart was not as dangerous as previously believed. However we were told that he had a serious amount of fluid in his lungs that needed to be dealt with. It was then decided between the pulmonologist, the cardiologist, and the cardio thoracic surgeon that the most important thing to be done was to drain the fluid from his lungs. And to leave a drain in so that periodically, if and when more fluid built up, it could be drained without surgery. So then we just had to wait, and wait, and wait to see if he could have the procedure done tonight. They were finally able to start the procedure around 6 PM and soon after 7 we were given the news that the prcocedure went well and they drained between 600 and 700 cc's of fluid from his lungs. This is a huge amount! My father will be watched over in post op for the night and then hopefully be sent up to a room first thing in the morning. We all got to take turns visiting him post op. He was awake and aware. I told him that I would come see him first thing after work tomorrow. Of course, being him, he asked if I was sure it was OK that I took off from work today and that it was OK with my bosses! I reassured him that it was fine. He told me that he loved me, very much. It was all I could do not to completely fall apart in front of him and my Mother. I told him that I loved him too and sent Frank in to see him. Thank you all so much for the my space and facebook messages and comments and thank you so much for the calls and text messages. It means the world to myself and the family. More updates to follow as I get them. Take Care, Christopher Current Mood: exhausted (Comment on this)
7:33 am	My Dad: Surgery today My father has developed a situation where there is a serious amount of fluid surounding his heart. If he does not have surgery to drain the fluid it will compress his heart to the point where it will not be able to function properly. Thus causing him to go into cardiac arrest. Therefor the decision has been made for him to have surgery done today. I have taken off from work in order to be there; before, during, and after the surgery today. Surgery is tentatively scheduled for 10 AM this morning. Please keep my Dad in your thoughts. Take Care, Christopher Current Mood: anxious (Comment on this)
Friday, August 22nd, 2008
9:08 am	An Update on my Dad My Dad had been having fevers for the last two days and really hasn't had much of an appetite for weeks now. The guy who used to insist on us ordering almost one of everything for appetizers when we went out to eat and who would always tease my Mother that she didn't make enough food when company came has barely been able to finish a bowl of soup. On Tuesday he went to the Oncologist and also had a CT done. We learned that his tumor had grown and that he had developed another tumor in his lungs. He also has quite a bit of fluid build up in his lungs. Wednesday morning he had a fever of 104 and we called the Oncologist right away. We also called Frank and had him rush over from Jersey. We all agreed that taking him to the hospital was the best course of action. Especially since he had not really been eating or drinking. We brough him to the hospital right away and throughout the course of the day his fever went down and with being put on oxygen his color greatly improved. He was finally put into his own room at 10 PM that night and he begged us all to leave and go get something to eat and to go home and get some sleep. So hit a diner and then all went home and to bed. My Mom headed over there around 10 yesterday morning and told me that he didn't sleep at all Wednesday night. When we spoke later on she told me that he didn't eat lunch or dinner because the food made him nauseous so they were waiting for them to bring him some Ensure to drink. She also told me that if he slept 20 minutes it was a lot. They were supposedly going to give him something to help him sleep last night. Also his roommate there is hard of hearing and talks extremely loud; on the phone, to his nurses, and to himself. I'm sure this is not very condusive to sleep. He is having some fluid drained from his lungs at 8 AM this morning for testing. He is definitely going to be in the hospital for a few more days. I'm certainly not thrilled about this, I just want him to come home. I will keep everyone posted. Be well, Christopher Current Mood: depressed (Comment on this)
Thursday, July 24th, 2008
12:05 pm	Feeling helpless.... The sweat just pours off my face, the temperature outside is probably somewhere in the 90s with a ridiculous amount of humidity so who the hell knows how hot it is in the garage, especially with only the side door open. Music is blasting out of my iPod player, I really need to make a new play list for when I'm in here, but "Fortunate Son" was really a perfect song to finish up to. In here it's just me, the music, the frustration, the anger, the sorrow, and of course, the heavy bag. My strikes are had, fast, accurate, and with my entire being behind them. At times the bag swings wildly as I smash it continuously back and forth. But no matter how hard or fast I hit, it doesn't change a fucking thing does it? By the end of the session I can barely lift my arms and my hips are killing me by the time I throw my last few head kicks. I'm breathing heavy and my shirt is soaked through. My gloves are soaked in sweat, and my legs are streaked with black marks as I slide off my kick pads. I take a few sips to rehydrate a bit as I stuff my gloves and kick pads back in gym bag. I'm a disgusting mess but no matter how hard I train or sweat it doesn't help does it? I put my sneakers on and head back into the garage. I remove the heavy bag from it's chain (this is really fun to do by the way, a great balancing/lifting act) and move it to the side of the garage. I collect my iPod, player, and phone and put them in my bag. I leave the garage as I found it and I head inside. Once upstairs I hit the showers...have to wash off the sweat and grime. But I can't wash away the pain at all. The heavy bag, gloves, and kick pads were Father's Day presents from my parents to me. They knew I wanted to get back into shape and they are well aware of my love of martial arts. When I expressed interest in getting a bag they offered to do it as a gift. Once these wonderful gifts arrived I began using them multiple times a week. I enjoyed getting out there and doing a work out that was both productive and fun. But now, it's more like therapy than a work out. I don't feel like I am working out, I feel like I am letting out all the anger and frustration and helplessness. I feel like I am pounding away at an enemy I cannot defeat. I cannot choke it out, I cannot knock it unconcious with a kick to the head or leave it breathless with stiff shots to the sternum. I cannot put it in an arm bar or drive it to it's knees with repeated leg kicks. Hammer fists won't cause a stoppage, repeated knees won't cause panic, and a heel hook won't cause a tap out. My father is sick, he has stage four lung cancer. He survived thyroid cancer and we thought he had beaten the lung cancer when it went into remission right before my wedding in January of 2007 but it came back with a vengeance. And the outlook isn't very good right now. And I am fucking powerless to help him. I could not feel more worthless if I tried. This man is everything, he is what a man should be. He is honest, loyal, caring, supportive, hard working, determined, loving, faithful, honorable, and intelligent. And I cannot do anything to help him. He has done anything and everything to love, help, support, protect, and provide for all of us. He has picked me up more times than I can count and saved me in more ways than you can imagine. And I cannot help him. I am trying to do all the things a good son should do. I am doing things around the house and spending time with him. I am doing everything that I can do to be of service. But I cannot do what I want to do. I cannot cure him, I cannot make him better. I cannot make this disease go away. But I can be here and I can be his son and his friend. And I will keep going out there four times a week and smashing that bag. And hoping against hope that they are wrong, that their time lines are meaningless bull shit. That there will be some astounding recovery. That I won't have to keep thinking these thoughts or live without him. That I won't have to have "that talk" with my daughter on "that day." Because she fucking adores him so much. And it would break her little 9 year old heart. But my brother and I have made this promise, to all who will listen, we will take care of our Mother. She will never be alone, she will never be lost, and she will never ever need to worry. She will be taken care of and she will be protected. And she WILL NOT be taken advantadge of. This we can do for him. This I promise with every fiber of my being. I'm sorry Dad, I'm so sorry that I cannot kill this disgusting monster that's inside you. I am so sorry that I cannot stand up for you like you stood up for me. That I cannot make it better and save you like you saved me so many times. I am so sorry and absolutely heart broken that I cannot make this go away. I love you so very much Dad, more than I can ever tell you. I'm sorry. I love you. Current Mood: DEVASTATED Current Music: Alkaline Trio - Agony & Irony (Comment on this)
Monday, July 23rd, 2007
1:17 pm	Been a long time yadda yadda yadda I know, I know, I haven't posted on here in forever. For those who are interested, I can be found here: http://www.myspace.com/straightedgeicon I don't blog as often as I used to or should but when I do it is usually here: http://blog.myspace.com/straightedgeicon I suppose you want an actual update as well eh? Well, let's see, Erin and I got married on January 13, 2007 and it was glorious. A fantastical time was had by all as we danced the night away. We then spent a week in London much to do with our good friend Paul who works at Virgin hooking us up with an amazing discount and Erin's Aunt Lee hooking us up with her time share for the week. We're still living in Forest Hills, countdown to lease expiring on 4/30/08. I'm still over at ITN buying....time. And Erin is still over at MSKCC. Lyric is 8 and is the fucking bomb. No joke. My Dad survived both Thyroid and Lung Cancer and is doing AMAZING. I love you all...now come find me on My Space. Current Mood: tired Current Music: Alkaline Trio - Remains (Comment on this)
Saturday, September 16th, 2006
9:42 pm	Where you can find me.... Wow...I know I haven't posted on here in forever. For those who are interested, I can be found here: http://www.myspace.com/straightedgeicon I don't blog as often as I used to or should but when I do it is usually here: http://blog.myspace.com/straightedgeicon Oh, a real update? Back in July I got promoted at work, I'm now a buyer aka Station Sales Negotiator. No, it's not as cool as it sounds. But it is more money and an an office. Erin and I are getting married in a little less than four months, we couldn't be happier. I love you all...now come find me on My Space. Current Mood: tired Current Music: club foot - KASABIAN (Comment on this)
Tuesday, January 10th, 2006
7:43 pm	What are you listening to? Here's what has been dominating my iPod lately: Morningwood - Morningwood Kaiser Chiefs - Employment Nightmare of You - Nightmare of You Fall Out Boy - From Under the Cork Tree The New Pornographers - Twin Cinema Bright Eyes - I'm Wide Awake It's Morning If you haven't done so yet...be sure to check them out Current Mood: silly Current Music: Morningwood - Morningwood (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, November 21st, 2005
7:31 pm	THANKFUL Well, I leave for Atlanta at 4 AM so, I think I'll do this now. I am extremely thankful for the following: My Erin - you are all my reasons My Lyric - you saved my life and continue to inspire it My Mom & Dad - you brought me into this world and ever since have done nothing but shower me with love, understanding, respect, and support. Chris - Has it really almost been 10 years boy? I am most thankful for the fact that this is only the beginning. Nothing but love and respect my brother. This is real, this is true. Frank & Nancy - I love you guys, congrats on the new house! Tony - Wow, 15 or 16 years since we met? And you've still got my back. Brotherhood for life Jester. Now move the fuck back to NYC. Chris Brady - From ROH to Wilco we share so many things and I've always been able to talk about everything with you. I can't wait to be a part of your wedding in June. 3T forever. Danny - Office Max of all places spawned our friendship and we managed to keep it going despite your crazy ass work schedule. I wish I could see you more my man, your always good for a laugh or a shoulder to cry on. Yeeeeeessss!!! Good luck with the little one on the way, I'm here, for anything. Triple Threat.....CHIIIIIEEEEEEF!!! Sabrina - My little Prima Ballerina, we met in acting class and when you ran away from me in the school bookstore. Please remember that Science is what you put into it! Did ya do it?? Pams - You will always be Spam to me and I will always be Tofu to you. How funny that the meat eater and the vegtarian have the wrong nicknames? You've always been a goodfriend to me and I cherish you always! The Fan Club aka the El Greco Girls...and Paul - You are all so much fun to be with and make Thursday nights even more enjoyable! From Dane Cook to South Park, to the Beatles, to those bastard Republicans, and everything in between it's always an adventure. Luke - my little pup-n-stuff, you're such a dick but I love you! You're my furry little man! The rest of my family and friends - I love you all and I miss those of you that I never get to see! Drop a line or pick up the phone! Current Mood: thankful Current Music: grease - the soundtrack (Comment on this)